He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
