just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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