I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm bleeding and have questions
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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