booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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