Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
