woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
