i will never coherently bang her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
