I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize