Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
