Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
