I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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