There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
