I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who died my cat blue again?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
