We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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