If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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