in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
