All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he thought i was a dude.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
