Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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