I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
