i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
