i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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