Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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