Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
