One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
