it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
