i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
