I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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