Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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