We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So many bounce houses so little time
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
