oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
