you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
