Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
