planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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