well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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