You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
