he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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