we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
