Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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