Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
