ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
