why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
