Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
