I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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