I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
