i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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