You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
