we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize