Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
