found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
