I puked a lego.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
