Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
