If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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