you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
