Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
