I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
