There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
