No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
