I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i will never coherently bang her
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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