you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize