she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
