I'm drive I can fine osifer
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
