i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
