Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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