You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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