Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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