this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
