All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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