i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
do herpes really smell.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
