Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
