Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
