Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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