We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
