my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
