I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
