I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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