I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
