How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
