so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
