you would pick up someone in the library
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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