Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
