There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
