Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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