If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
