Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
